I’ve had so many questions lately that I figured I’d just dive right into the mailbag this week to answer some of them:

Question: “Cory, what do you and other naturals think about when you see a woman you’re attracted to?”

Answer: I don’t think of anything. I’m truly “in the moment”. I just look into her eyes and say, “Yeah… could be fun”. She receives the message every time.

When I do this, there are NO negative thoughts going through my head. I am not thinking about the outcome at all. I’m just playing and having fun. Just like a kid.

I’m not needy about it. I’m not desperate about having her. I’m not unhappy about whether I am with her or not. I’m not addicted to her or the situation. I can walk away at any time. I’m not going to live or die if I talk to her. I am just in a playful state of mind.

This is the best state you can be in. Its playfulness and non-threatening vibe attracts women.

Question: “Cory, how do I tell a woman I’m different from all the other slimy losers out there?”

Answer: Don’t tell her. Show her!

The catch to this is that you must believe that you are different. You must know deep in your soul that you are THE MAN. There can be no question.

A lot of guys go out and try to pretend to be THE MAN, but it’s obvious that they’re pretending. Women can smell a fake a mile away. It has to be real. You need to believe it deep down in your gut.

When you do, you’ll never need to tell a woman you’re different. She’ll just know. When you believe it, she’ll believe it.

The tough part about believing in yourself is that it doesn’t come so easily if you’ve struggled with self-confidence your entire life. In that case, you’ve got to accept the fact that it may take some time for you to instill a strong belief in yourself. It rarely happens overnight.

Remember the movie Field of Dreams… “If you build it, they will come.” That same ideology applies to women. To get the women you want in your life, change it to “If you build THE MAN within yourself, women will come.”

But you can’t fake it. It’s got to be real. Give yourself the time to build it.

Something I hear all the time:

“Cory, all the other pickup gurus force their students to approach every woman they see. Why don’t you do this?”

The short answer: It’s creepy, and it’s easier to do the prep work and have women come to you.

It really is. I’ve watched guys who have been through other boot camps go up and approach almost every single woman in a bar.

What have they just done? They just sent an alarm out to everyone in that bar that they are a creepy m.f. They obviously have no sense of connection, quality, or awareness. If you just go randomly talking to everybody, you come across as needy and it sends out a bad vibe to every woman in that place.

I am not saying that you can’t be social; all I am saying is that if your intention is to go out to a bar just to talk to women then you will come across creepy. I have seen it way too many times.

Stop it now.

Here’s what I do when I walk into a bar:

I enter with power and presence… with a belief that “I’m the prize”. This is projected to the entire room through my body language, my posture, and my eyes as soon as I walk in. I check everybody out. I gaze the entire room. I make eye contact with pretty much everyone in the place. I find the “sweet spot” which is the place where I can stand and gaze at the largest part of the room. I order a drink. I chill. I talk to whoever’s around me where I’m standing and continue to gaze around the room even when I am talking.

Many guys go out and start a conversation with someone (which is fine) but they tend to give 100% attention to that person/conversation and get consumed in it. All this does is kills your chances of actually meeting anyone else. There could be a girl checking you out across the bar and you wouldn’t even know it.

You always want to be aware of your surroundings at all times. Pick your head up and look around. If you are holding yourself well and are confident, women will check you out everywhere you go. There are thousands of women that want you right now but you need to do the right things to put your self out there so they can actually come to you.

I always check the vibe in the room. This is “awareness”. It’s like a commando sneaking into a highly-guarded facility. He doesn’t just go in guns blazing. He waits, watches, and picks up on everything going on before he goes in.

That’s the way to do it.

I always check things out before going in; if I do see a girl I think is cute I want to find out who she is with first. Is she with her boyfriend? Husband? Is it a girls’ night out? You want to find out what you are you walking into.

Too many guys believe that if they’re not running around talking to everybody, women will think they’re a quiet loser. This is b.s. By not running around, you’re letting them know that you have no agenda. You’re just chillin’; you’re confident and comfortable with yourself. You’re having a good time with the people immediately around you, and you don’t give a s**t about what anyone thinks.

Once you master the way to project this vibe to a room, women come out of the woodwork and start to make eye contact with you and will actually come to you.

But it’s an art—and you have to do it right.

Most guys don’t know how to do this and it is not something that can be taught in words. It is just like anything else—hands-on experience is the best training you can have. That’s why I recommend attending any of my boot camps. We cover all this and go through many different exercises that prepare you to go out into the real world and apply it. This is why they keep selling out. Nobody else teaches this stuff. Nobody.

Awareness, presence, and body language are the most overlooked aspects of meeting and dating attractive women.

You can have beautiful women in your life—as many beautiful women as you want—if you’re willing to accept change.

A common theme with many guys I work with is resistance to change. All of us were brought up with a certain set of beliefs about life and the world—some good, some bad, but all affected how we perceive ourselves. Some of these beliefs came from our childhood religion, our parents, or society’s values in general. These beliefs colored our existence and the life decisions that we made from childhood through early adulthood.

The guys who are most successful with women—like me—never let any of these beliefs affect us. We never bought into the B.S. We never followed the crowd. We never did what we were told to do.

The guys that fell in lock step with the crowd (which is the vast majority) allowed these beliefs—beliefs that came not from within their true selves—to be carved into stone. They fomented, crystallized, and in many cases hardened into a brick wall in guys belief systems.

When a guy comes to me and says, “Cory, I want to be great with women”, I start by asking lots of questions and digging deep into his life experiences. When I do so, he and I are both often amazed at how much opportunity has been right in front of him, but the brick wall in his head is so thick that we need to do a lot of work together to knock it down and replace it with new beliefs that create new possibilities.

The problem is that most guys do not want to let go of the comfortable blanket of coziness in which they have wrapped themselves up their entire lives. It’s much easier to hide inside the box you’ve built, wrapped up in your blanket, safe from the responsibilities of success.

With success in anything comes an escape from the person you used to be. It can be a difficult and staggering task to say goodbye to that old self in whose blanket you have been kept so warm.

When I show guys a reality that they couldn’t possibly imagine before, such as hanging around with beautiful women twenty years younger than themselves, dating multiple women at once, or enjoying relationships supermodels, guys often shut down because they fear letting go of their old self.

The center of this old self is a belief system that says that none of this is possible. But when you condition yourself to accept that not only is it possible, but it’s just another Friday night, your reality is literally rocked to the core.

This is why it’s so important to be open to and accepting of change. Be willing to take chances. We’ve all heard the term “No risk, no reward”, and I’m here to tell you that’s how to live a full life with an abundance of beautiful women.

You must take risks. Risks are a critical part of every successful guy’s life. Every guy who has ever been great at anything has had the courage to step out of his comfort zone and take chances. The guys who don’t take chances will literally watch their lives pass by right in front of their eyes. They will grow old and wonder how it happened while they sit on their rickety porch with a beer, chanting society’s mantra of “I wish I had…”

Don’t be an I wish I had. Be an I’m glad I did. With no regrets.

Accept change. Love change. Relish change. Let go of your old self. Enjoy your time here on earth. We only get one chance at this thing called life. Let’s live it to the fullest.

The decision is yours. It’s up to you.

I was on the phone the other day with a new coaching client who told me:

“Cory, I’ve been best friends with women all my life. They’ve told me how much they want a nice guy… so I’ve always gone out of my way to be nice and thoughtful.

“They’ve told me how a sense of humor is the most important thing in a guy… so I learned to tell jokes and get laughs.

“They’ve told me that super-confident guys are arrogant pr—ks and they’d never go out with one…

“Funny thing is… those are the ONLY guys they ever end up with… leaving me behind holding the dozen roses I bought them.”

Hey, we’ve all heard the B.S. all of our lives. Women everywhere repeat these statements so often that much of it has become ingrained in our culture.

But B.S. is still B.S.
Look at television. For years, it’s been telling guys that they need to act like the goofballs on Friends and How I Met Your Mother. As if that’s what women really want… whiny guys who do what they’re told and act like grown babies.

We are a nation of programmed idiots. TV programs are NOT real life. Things happen much differently in real life. If Friends and How I Met Your Mother were real, the girls on that show would have ended up with completely different guys.

The lesson here is… Stop listening to what women say they want. Instead, pay attention to what they do.

Young girls dream of a strong, super-confident prince who will sweep them off their feet and carry them away on his horse. A leader. A man who doesn’t question whether or not they “like” him. Guess what? They never stop dreaming about this guy.

That’s why they jump on the jerk’s motorcycle as he revs his engine, taking them for a ride they’ll never forget. Danger. Excitement. Sexual energy.

Every girl has a “bad girl” side deep within them and they are all waiting for that guy to come along that is going to bring it out of them.

This is what attracts women the most. Not what they say they want.

So, are they lying?

Are all women a bunch of nasty liars?

No, not at all. They actually believe they want a goofy funny dorky guy who is always nice. They’ve been brainwashed by the same TV programs with the same ridiculous messages that have been passed down from generation to generation.

And on top of that, society won’t let them believe anything else. Because if they actually verbalized what they really wanted, they’d be labeled tramps and sluts. Women always have to save face so they don’t look bad.

It’s okay for a guy to say, “I’d like to f—- five hundred women.” But women can’t say the same, even if they want to. The peer pressure of female rivalry is too intense. Right or wrong, women are held to different standards than men. It’s just how it is.

There’s a big difference between how things should work and how things do work. Women should be interested in nice goofy guys who bring them flowers and kiss their ass.

But they’re not.

Trust me, my life would have been a hell of a lot easier if this were true. I have the scars to prove it.

Stop listening to what women say they want. Learn how to be what they really want instead.

Become that super-confident guy who knows he can sweep any girl he wants off her feet with just his eyes.

Don’t know how to do it?

A great place to start is with my Magnetic Mindset program.

I have said it before… the decision is yours!

You CAN have an abundance of women in your life. It IS possible, but you have to take the first step.

“Cory, how do you handle “S—t Tests”?”

First of all, I hate the term “S—t Test”. (You see the abbreviated word due to email protocols, but I think you know the term.)

The “community” has labeled “S—t Test” as something a woman says or does to make a man:

a) Kiss up to her. Or… b) Stand his ground as a strong man.

Forget a). Never, ever kiss up to a woman. Ever. Got that? Good. Always do b).

It’s what she really wants you to do.

But whatever you call it—this does happen. Women DO ask questions that can put you on the defensive. It’s just a fact of life. I’m not going to attempt to explain why by going into a complicated lecture on biology and the reproductive rites of the evolution of man. I leave that to others.

The way to handle it is to use an improvisational comedy technique called “Yes, and…” When “improv” actors are on stage, they create the habit of accepting whatever situation the other actor throws at them. For example one actor says “Doctor, we have to operate now!”

The second actor thinks quickly and says, “Yes, and luckily I have a case of surgical instruments with me right here.” By accepting the first actor’s situation, the second actor has helped to create the scene. If he hadn’t, there would have been an imbalance and the scene would have been killed on the spot.

When you do this it allows you to come back with an immediate response.

Now, what does this have to do with talking to women?

When a woman (or anyone, for that matter) throws a wild question at you, agree with the premise. Think “Yes, and…” (even though you don’t actually have to say “Yes, and…”) This is a great way to avoid arguments. Even when I personally disagree with someone, first I always agree and take their point of view.

Then I present my viewpoint in a way that is not in opposition to their point of view. This is a very important tactic when dealing with people in all kinds of situations where conflict may arise. Most of the time people just want to be heard. As long as you can make them understand that you see their point of view, then they are much more willing to accept yours.

Whether on stage, in business, with friends, or when meeting women… being defensive creates a sense of opposition. This further generates an imbalance of power. It destroys the scene, the deal, or the conversation.

Here’s an example of what I mean:

Her: “You are just trying to get me to sleep with you.”

You: “Wow, That’s exactly what I was looking to do. I am glad you finally figured it out. I guess now that you know, it will never happen.”

When you agree it is almost always funny, and rarely do they believe a word you say. In fact if you’re defensive, people will think you ARE whatever it is you’re being defensive about. However, if you agree with whatever they are saying about you, then they do not actually believe you.

Get it? Okay, here’s another example (using a very common question):

Her: “So how many women have you been with?”

You: “Oh, I don’t know… about five or six hundred.”

Please understand that women don’t really want to know the answer to this. This is something they do unconsciously to force you into a position to prove yourself. But as long as you don’t get defensive, you’re okay and you come out on top.

Defensiveness shows pure insecurity. Being able to admit you are something bad, and be proud of it shows incredible confidence. The funny thing is no one actually believes you when you admit it.

This is why when you tell a girl that you’re seeing ten women right now she doesn’t believe you… and yet she becomes more attracted to you because you flipped it around on her by throwing out a ballsy (but funny) answer.

That’s how you handle a “S—t Test”.

I’m going to talk a little about my teaching method this week. If you frequent my forum or have purchased Magnetic Mindset, you know that I have several different ways to apply affirmations into your life—ways that I’ve developed over a period of years. (There are other techniques I teach as well, but affirmations are a universally accessible way to get started.)

During the process of acquiring a “magnetic mindset”, many of my students experience a subconscious block that prevents them from being consistent with affirmations. They start applying them and begin to notice subtle changes in the way they behave and the reactions they get from other people. Some of these changes are so far outside of their realities that it blows their minds.

This is scary for some guys. It opens them up to a new world they never thought possible—a new world that is ripe with possibilities that they had never even considered before. A new world that shatters what they’ve always believed.

So they stop.

But, I urge you to never stop your affirmations. Affirmations are your lifeline. They are your oxygen supply. If you stop doing them, then you cut off your own air.

You can’t stop.

Earlier this summer, I personally experimented with stopping. At first, I noticed no difference. But after about three weeks, I began to have negative thoughts that caused me to make a few mistakes… mistakes I wouldn’t have normally made.

We are all the same. Even with all my amazing success with women, in other areas of my life I still have a lot of old negative programming hidden in the back of my brain. We all do.

If we stop our affirmations, we begin to drift backward to bad beliefs that date all the way back to our early childhoods. It’s like the helmsman of a ship who abandons the wheel, hoping that the ship will automatically drift into port.

But we all know what will happen. The winds and currents will drive that ship in random directions. And yet that’s precisely what we allow to happen if we stop applying affirmations.

All your old thoughts and beliefs are deeply embedded in your subconscious mind. By applying affirmations consistently, you slowly change those old limiting beliefs and take control of the direction of your life. Affirmations keep you on course.

See, what I teach guys is a radical way to “detox” yourself from your past. I show you how to build up such a strong defense so that no amount of negativity from others affects you at all.

That’s the power of affirmations (as well as other teaching methods I use) to completely turn your life around… and why you should never stop applying them.

I know a lot of this sounds New-Age-y, hocus pocus, or just plain fruity.

But it works. Results don’t lie.

I’m not a scientist. I don’t pretend to be one. I haven’t done ten years’ worth of research in libraries to uncover the mechanisms behind this.

All I know is that it works.

It works for me. It works for my students. And that’s all I care about. Using these methods, I have now personally changed the lives of guys all over the world. As I often say, I didn’t think I could get this across to guys when I first started.

But now, I know from experience that the guys who are willing to take a chance… to suspend disbelief and do what I tell them to do… have infused their lives with changes they never thought possible.

Your subconscious mind is a powerful mechanism… if you use it properly. It will either make you or break you.

The best way I’ve found to communicate with this deep part of yourself is to do affirmations every day for an hour. Yes, an hour! It’s a very small amount of time when you realize the results you’re going to get.

Set aside a time in your day to apply affirmations the way I teach them. I don’t care how busy you are. This is too important. It is the lifeline that fuels everything else you do.

If you do them every day, you’re one step closer to having the life you want.

In my 3-CD program Magnetic Mindset, I provide you with affirmations that are designed to kick-start a belief system that attracts women subconsciously—by changing the very fabric of who you are on the inside. This program is the perfect introduction to my unique teaching methods.

On the last day of the Bad Boy With A Heart Boot camp here in Sarasota, Florida, I took my students out to The Tiki Bar for lunch.

We all sat at the bar. I placed myself at the end. I do this on purpose. I always sit in the best place… the place that actually separates me from everyone else. So, if a girl walks by, I have the opportunity to hit eye contact with her… which opens up the possibility to actually get to know her.

About 10 minutes after we sat down, a group of 3 girls and 2 guys walked up to the other end of where the students were sitting at the bar. One of the girls was super cute.

My student sitting on the end started going against everything we were talking about all weekend. He fell into his old way of thinking (what the “community” taught him) and started throwing openers and banter lines out to the girl standing next to him.

I was watching him totally mess up this interaction the entire time… shaking my head. The girl he was talking to was shaking her head as well.

Meantime, I was hitting eye contact with the super cute girl that was behind them. After her group ordered their drinks, they walked to a table and sat down. Super cute girl conveniently placed herself where she could see me so we could continue to hit eye contact. Her companions sat in spots where I could not see them from my seat.

I continued to hit eye contact with super cute girl. A few minutes went by. Then, one of the guys in the group came up to me and told me that his sister was talking about me and wanted to meet me. (The power of the eyes at work!)

I talked to him for a few minutes… just chillin’ like I always do… no jumping up and getting all excited (which most guys would do). I just acted like I didn’t care to really meet her.

While we chatted, my coaches took the students back to the seminar room. I stayed behind.

Once they were gone, the brother called his sister over and everyone else came up to the bar. I walked over and started talking to super cute girl… with whom I had been consistently hitting eye contact while talking to the guy.

It was so simple. I said, “So you wanted to meet me, huh?” as I looked into her eyes… not thinking about anything else.

Instant connection.

Then, one of the other girls asked me if I knew that guy that was at the other end of the bar. I said “Yeah, he is a friend of mine. Why?”

They all laughed. She started talking about the pickup lines he was using on her. She went on to tell me what he said but honestly I don’t remember what it was.

She said, “Wow! Now, I’ve heard them all!”

I laughed along with them. Then, the girl I was talking to asked me to go with them to hang out at some party. Obviously, I couldn’t because I had to get back to the boot camp.

So, I told her I had to get going. She offered me her number. I said, “Here, I will write mine down. Give me a call if you would like to hang out some time.”

The point is that while everyone is sitting and eating like they normally do, I am picking up women… like I normally do.

There were no stupid pickup lines. There was no approach anxiety. (Heck, there wasn’t even an approach!) There was no frustration or negative thoughts going through my head. It was just purely natural… the way I always meet women.

You can pick up women like this all the time. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing… as long as you’re aware, laid back, chill, and comfortable in your own skin.

But most of all… you’re just having a good time wherever you are.

(And with my instruction, my student who messed up the interaction has since stopped using those lines by internalizing the correct Magnetic Mindset and has improved immensely. He realized that is not the way.)