“Cory, how do you handle “S—t Tests”?”
First of all, I hate the term “S—t Test”. (You see the abbreviated word due to email protocols, but I think you know the term.)
The “community” has labeled “S—t Test” as something a woman says or does to make a man:
a) Kiss up to her. Or… b) Stand his ground as a strong man.
Forget a). Never, ever kiss up to a woman. Ever. Got that? Good. Always do b).
It’s what she really wants you to do.
But whatever you call it—this does happen. Women DO ask questions that can put you on the defensive. It’s just a fact of life. I’m not going to attempt to explain why by going into a complicated lecture on biology and the reproductive rites of the evolution of man. I leave that to others.
The way to handle it is to use an improvisational comedy technique called “Yes, and…” When “improv” actors are on stage, they create the habit of accepting whatever situation the other actor throws at them. For example one actor says “Doctor, we have to operate now!”
The second actor thinks quickly and says, “Yes, and luckily I have a case of surgical instruments with me right here.” By accepting the first actor’s situation, the second actor has helped to create the scene. If he hadn’t, there would have been an imbalance and the scene would have been killed on the spot.
When you do this it allows you to come back with an immediate response.
Now, what does this have to do with talking to women?
When a woman (or anyone, for that matter) throws a wild question at you, agree with the premise. Think “Yes, and…” (even though you don’t actually have to say “Yes, and…”) This is a great way to avoid arguments. Even when I personally disagree with someone, first I always agree and take their point of view.
Then I present my viewpoint in a way that is not in opposition to their point of view. This is a very important tactic when dealing with people in all kinds of situations where conflict may arise. Most of the time people just want to be heard. As long as you can make them understand that you see their point of view, then they are much more willing to accept yours.
Whether on stage, in business, with friends, or when meeting women… being defensive creates a sense of opposition. This further generates an imbalance of power. It destroys the scene, the deal, or the conversation.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
Her: “You are just trying to get me to sleep with you.”
You: “Wow, That’s exactly what I was looking to do. I am glad you finally figured it out. I guess now that you know, it will never happen.”
When you agree it is almost always funny, and rarely do they believe a word you say. In fact if you’re defensive, people will think you ARE whatever it is you’re being defensive about. However, if you agree with whatever they are saying about you, then they do not actually believe you.
Get it? Okay, here’s another example (using a very common question):
Her: “So how many women have you been with?”
You: “Oh, I don’t know… about five or six hundred.”
Please understand that women don’t really want to know the answer to this. This is something they do unconsciously to force you into a position to prove yourself. But as long as you don’t get defensive, you’re okay and you come out on top.
Defensiveness shows pure insecurity. Being able to admit you are something bad, and be proud of it shows incredible confidence. The funny thing is no one actually believes you when you admit it.
This is why when you tell a girl that you’re seeing ten women right now she doesn’t believe you… and yet she becomes more attracted to you because you flipped it around on her by throwing out a ballsy (but funny) answer.
That’s how you handle a “S—t Test”.
